I love you!
by 89724princess-lauren
Summary: this is a crackfic made solely for the purpose of me having fun with crack pairs. it's a love square. Natsu loves Lucy. Lucy loves Juvia. Juvia loves Master Bob. Master Bob loves Natsu. I love NaLu but it's not in this story because that's no fun. Sorry. also I don't call the characters by their original names, but instead just random household objects. Just a heads up.
1. Chapter 1

**This fic completely crack. I was just thinking about crack couples and decided I should write a fanfic filled to the brim with crack pairings. Its told from the perspective of my favorite OC who appears in all my fanfics, Author. Author is based of me in my most insane mood mixed with me in my psychopath mood. In this one she isn't acting as she usually is, I'll try to change that in future chapters. I'll try to throw Narrator in there too, my next favorite OC of mine. Sorry this is short.**

**Disclaimer: Purple armadillos sail gracefully over a fiddling flashlight. They soon begin to sing Yankee Doodle. I love cupcakes and fairy tail unfortunately I don't own either. Neither do I own Yankee Doodle. Or Adolf Hitler. Do I own anything in this world? O.O maybe the plot...**

**Narrator: what plot?**

**Author: the one disappearing into rainbow dashes and your grandmothers grammar **

**Me: Author I love you, but sometimes I seriously worry about you**

**Author: you made me**

**Me: good point**

**Karaoke player: 89724princess-Lauren, why did you let Author take over this fic**

**Me: I figured i'd be better then having her fight the characters for controll of it**

**Karaoke player: my name isn't even karaoke player. Its lu- *Author clamps hand over karaoke players mouth***

**Alarm clock: yeah im with lu-**

***Author shoots Alarm Clock death glare***

**Alarm clock: I mean karaoke player. *awkward laugh* not Lucy. I mean, thats ridiculous. Why would she be named Lucy? **

**Me: why do I exist?**

**Narrator: because your parents did **_**the deed**_

**Me: ... **

**Author (sing sing voice): 16.5**

**Karaoke player: *facepalm* Lauren I think its better if you keep Narrator out of this too**

So far, it had been a fairly typical day for our curvy blonde female protagonist in this fic. I wont tell her name because I'm PMSing right now and want to make you, dear loving readers, mad. However, it would get tedious calling her curvy blonde protagonist so I shall call her Karaoke Player.

Anyways, Karaoke Player had woken up on the couch with a kink in her neck due to the fact a certain male pink-haired dragon slayer, and the only male pink-haired dragon slayer who could make pink hair look bad ass, was snoring contently in her bed. She then got up and made breakfast for herself. The male, bad ass pink-haired dragon slayer woke up.

I, Author, will not mention the male, bad ass, pink-haired dragon slayers name for reasons listed above. In case you, dear loving lazy readers don't feel like going up to find those reasons listed because you can't remember them, I will sum it up by saying I don't feel like it.

Unfortunately, as mentioned before, it would get tedious calling the certain someone male, bad ass, pink-haired dragon slayer, I shall rename him Alarm Clock.

Once Alarm Clock had shaken off my dear friend Sleep, he made his way over to Karaoke Player. She was making pancakes.

Alarm Clock came up behind Karaoke Player and wrapped his strong, tan arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck with his face.

Now, dear readers, I refuse to give you any sense of joy or satisfaction from this fic, so I will ruin the perfect NaLu moment.

Alarm Clock loved Karaoke Player. He thought that she loved him back. Sadly, he was very wrong.

Karaoke Player kicked Alarm Clock in between his legs. While he was curled up in pain she shoved him out her window. Alarm Clock landed with a thud on his butt in the dirt outside. He looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Karaoke Player," he whispered, "I thought you loved me."

Karaoke Player simply blew him a raspberry and slammed her window shut. Alarm Clock picked himself off the ground heavily. He trudged toward a certain rambunctious wizard guild which I will call Drunken Sweater, his heart filled with sadness and betrayal.

On the way there he came across certain blue haired water mage who refers to herself in third person. I will call this person Skyrocketing Lamp.

**Please review I love reading them. Sorry if there's spelling/ grammar errors I hate proof reading so I normally just don't. Btw if you think this is weird just keep in mind I'm feeling pretty normal right now, I'm not even feeling insane right now like I am 95% of my life.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ohayou minna-san! I tried to make this chapter longer 4 u guys so feel special. And Btw, in case u can't tell Radioactive Pencil is Master Bob and Air Conditioner is Blue Pegasus. This is officially my most favoritedest fanfic for me that I have written. Be proud you are able to read it.**

**My English teacher gives everyone time in class to write in this journal she gave us. Yesterday I wrote an emo poem about my slow interent. Today I started a story about Author and Narrator's backstory that I may add into one of the chapters of one of my fanfics. So far all that's happened is Authors changed flowers into cupcakes and threw them at purple clouds. I'm very proud of it.**

**Oh, Btw I'm gonna change the POV each chapter between Author's POV and Narrator's POV. Next chapter will be Author telling the story.**

**Disclaimer: do I seriously have to do this every chapter? I did it last one. Just don't sue me.**

**Chapter 2**

**Narrator POV**

Once upon a time in a universe very different from mine and yours, sat a young man in a wizard guild.

Normally I would tell you the name of the young man and the guild, but a certain annoying Author already gave both of them ridiculous names and it wouldn't make sense for their names to change half way through the fic (or for them to change at all *cough* Author *cough*) and Author would set me on fire if I told you, my favorite readers, his real name. Because of those reasons, I suppose I will stick with the ones Author gave them.

The young man's Author-given name is Alarm Clock (yeah yeah I know. Author is most definitely on drugs... You would think.) The Author-given name of the guild he sat in is Drunken Sweater (how she comes up with these things, I don't know.)

Alarm Clock sat quietly (for once) and alone at an old table, it was covered with alcohol stains and carvings, with countless pieces of multicolored gum, whitening with age stuck underneath, in a corner. He had a mug of booze in front of him; he was trying hard to drink his sorrows away.

Why was Alarm Clock sad, you may ask. Well, my favorite readers, our favorite Alarm Clock was sad because he got stood up by his favorite Karaoke Player (another ridiculous name given by Author -_-) just recently (last chapter.)

A certain white haired, powerful, Demon Take-over bar tender mage who I refuse to give a weird name because I am telling the story right now, NOT AUTHOR, was worried about him.

Now i will tell you that white haired, powerful, Demon Take-over bar tender mage's name. Her name is Mir-

AUTHOR JUST REALIZED HOW GREAT A TIME NOW IS TO RANDOMLY SHOVE A POUND OF RAW BACON INTO NARRATOR'S MOUTH! DON'T YOU AGREE, READERS? No? Why not?

Since Narrator currently is preoccupied pulling bacon out of her mouth, it seems Author needs to take over telling the story for now.

Anyways, that white haired, powerful, Demon Take-Over bar tender mage's name is... Drum roll please... DISGUSTING STREET SIGN!

Narrator disagrees. Narrator says that the only disgusting thing in this world is a pound raw bacon.

Narrator also disagrees with Disgusting Street Sign's name, but Author doesn't feel the need to put that in.

Narrator is fairly sure that it was HER turn to tell the story, not Author's.

Author not only doesn't agree with that, but also doesn't feel the need to put that in either.

The makeup-clad master, (I, Narrator am now back in command of this story, btw. Unfortunately for you and me, Author will shove another pound of raw bacon in my mouth if I don't name the ALREADY NAMED CHARACTERS what she wants then named) who I will call Radioactive Pencil, of a certain play boy wizard guild which will henceforth be known as Air Conditioner, was strolling to Drunken Sweater to do some business with the master of it.

Radioactive Pencil pushed open the door and saw... A damsel in distress (aka Alarm Clock.)

Radioactive Pencil had always had a fetish for damsels in distress (apparently even if the person in distress was not a damsel.) Radioactive Pencil just could not help himself. He slid in next to Alarm Clock and put a "comforting" hand on Alarm Clock's shoulder (did you know 90% of rapes start with a hand on the shoulder.)

Alarm Clock looked up in surprise into the scarily feminine face of Radioactive Pencil. Radioactive Pencil was close enough to him that Alarm Clock could feel his breath on his face.

"I know life's hard," Radioactive Pencil whispered to him. Alarm Clock looked at him, shocked.

Then Radioactive did a very unexpected thing. He pulled Alarm Clock into him.

Alarm Clock's face was pressed up against Radioactive Pencils purple tank top, right between his man boobs.

Radioactive Pencil rubbed Alarm Clock's back affectionately. Alarm Clock was anything but comforted, though. In fact, most people would be crapping themselves by now.

Alarm clock roughly shoved Radioactive Pencil away from him. "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he yelled, then ran out the door.

So Radioactive Pencil was rejected by Alarm Clock. That doesn't mean his trip was in vain. Skyrocketing Lamp liked the kindness she saw in him. She wanted him to hold her like he was holding Alarm Clock. She for sure would keep a dark blue eye on him.

**What do you think of the pairings? Idk who will end up with who at the end. I might just have everyone be killed by Author...**

**Karaoke Player: I think there needs to be a limit to fics you can kill off all the characters in it with Author.**

**Dylan: I complete agree**

**Me: Karaoke Player, no, I am the author. If I want to kill off everyone in ALL my fics, I will. Dylan, your not even from Fairy Tail, go away.**

**Dylan: just trying to be supportive of Karaoke Player**

**Alarm Clock: why you trying to be supportive of her, hmmmm o.O she's already taken you know**

**Author: RISE! MY WARRIOR CUPCAKES, AND KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL! SLAUGHTER THEM! MASS MURDER IS GOOD!**

**everyone: ...**

**Dylan: I now hate cupcakes**

**Everyone: ...**


End file.
